Lets start this off lightly..... I'm off work. for a wee, utili see my family dr, he may put me off longer. Yeah well I kinda had enuff and took 2 panic attacks in one week. so now i'm on the way to finding a councillor and on sum good LGHT meds (as no offense i dont need to be strung out all the time) until further notice. oh yeah it was not perdy, outta the blue took heart attack syptoms, i having just gottena clean bill of health 3 wks ago knew it was no heart attack and simply did not want to go to hospital. however HR lady at work called 9aaand rather then incur the wrath of hr lady as well as the wrath of all the gals in my section of the cubicales i work in... i went along. sat in emerge for 10 hrs cus depite coming in an ambulance w/ chestpains and a history of cardiac problems i GOT FORGOTTEN ABOUT. YEAH, SUMHOW TRANSFERING MY INFO FROM ONE TO ANOTHER PC GOT MIXED UP AND WELL 10 HRS LATER THEY FOUND ME ONLY TO TELL ME THAT THE PHYCH NURSE ON DUTY HAD CONE HOMEA AND THATS WHEN I TOOK ANOTHER MINI PANIC ATTACK AND WAS PROMPTLY RUSHED TO THE QUIET ROOM ALLAN AND MARTH IN TOW. yeah, both ofthem stayed w/ me the whole night and were ready to teara strip off the emerg room staff for forgettign bout me. they didnt even do an ecg to make sure it wasnt my heart, which i told them it wasnt but i'm not a dr thats besides the poiint. anyways, the emrg dr when he came ina bout 10 min later wa snot impressed i was forgottena bout and hadnt had any ecg or anythign either.... he said i had classic panic attack perscribed sum light shit and tld me to see my family dr asap and to fina a councillor and be back nxt morning to see spsych nurcse and psycologist. psych nurch was nice, talked for a bit then in came psycholodsit bitch who was basically said she had btr things to do was a mistake for me to come here i listened to what she said about meds and left. i'll brb, i need to take a pill.... warning signes of panic attack coming on... brb. ok i'm back, my chest tightended and my arm hurt and well thats how it starts so i too a pill relaxed a bit and am ok, now where was i.....
so yeah back to some of the reasons behind panic attack.... #1 lets just say as much as I support our Boys in afganistan , and as much as I love my Dad's patriotism.... Dumbass Dad who isnot young as he used to be Is trying to get to afganistan. He has a heart condition, which automatically nixxes any chnace of him going... which suffice to say makes this Lil Daddies Girls quite happy to know he's doing his patriotic duty behind a desk or fixing choppers here at home...where its safer (not safe, just safer) . Dumbass Daddy dearest however (who takes all day to mow the lawn cus his heart is that weak) is challenging the decion and has decided to find a dr who will sign paper and allo him to do sumthing call a battle readiness test. involves packbacking w/ heavy loads, trench building.... worse then the 20k fun run (which btw whomever put the words 20k run and fun in th same sentence was on crack) anyways back on topic. so if he manages to find an even dumberass dr to sign papers, and he will this is dad... stuburn and gets his way EVERY time, then well if afagnistan wont kill him the damn battle readiness test will. and this is why i have dubbed him recently dumbass dad. what the fuck is he thinking. so thats reason # 1 for stress. I will be talking to him this week, allan has promised to tag along, and i shall make my opinions known. he hasnt even told the rest o the family yet... great dad, give me another secret from them. yeah when he first found about his heart condition he asked me not to tell.... thanks dad
stresser#2. dragon lady team manager at work. shes a stats pusher. I perfor well undertsress but this lady is a dragon, nothings ever good enuff, push puch push. so of corse i'm stressed at work. hell i work collections, that aint a stress free job as it is being yelled and screamed at becaus i've cut ppl's utilities off and wont turn the on till they pay! so yeah, stresser #2.
stresser#3. my divorce. I still dont have enuff money saved to finalise it......
stresser#4 allans nan died and just b4 that, a friend of his commited sucied. so when he's in pain, i'm in pain.
and stresser #5. my secret relationship. its has gotten to the pint where i am so worried about sum1 seeing sumthing, i am so fed up w/ hisind, i am so worked up about not having a boyfrend in pblic i've made my self sick. which i promise i'd nvr do again, yet here we are! i told allan and he said were were going to talk, he emily and me. i cant promise we're coming out but at leat they'll know one of my major stresses. i mean comeon i love the man and itsa fucking secret! i cant hold his hand in public. i cant say i love u in public. almost no one knows about us. i havemy best friends wedding to go to and i may not be able to dance w/ him cus if theres anyone we know then we will be going as friends not gf and bf. anytime we're out on a date i have to lay off the lovey dovey and put on the this ismy best friend face is we run into ppl.... i hate looking over my shpulder all the time. and its stressing me and i wasnt more. i WANT MORE. i just, i wasnt.....i want boyfriend and not sum closetboyfriend secretly kept from event my closest friends.
so yeah...panic aatcks... you bet. so were dealing w/ these stressors one by one..... but dont get me wrong, it aint gonna be easy. especially if allan and emily eventually come out, the predudice and the scrutny andal that shit will probaly send me to another panic attack.... but whatever.... i'm gtting to the point i simply just dont care anymore.....
well i got to go. going to see dr son, gottamake sure i'm all gussied up for the dr.
