Dear Christmas....

Dear Christmas....

you suck. LOL. no seriously, you do.... you are over comercialised, blown out of porpotion and... you suck.

being the kid of a divorced family, christmas was always hard.... ya always felt like well, you wanted to be in two places... but you couldnt.

as an adult, that feeling only got worse but once married i could make my own traditions and my own family ...

the i got divorced..

and well christmas... you go right back to sucking....

I got intoa fight with a freind over Christmastime events. thankfully, she realised she was a tad harsh and not understanding of my feelings at christmas especially and so she apoligised and i went to her place yesterday...

today i am off to my freinds grandparents. they found out i planned to spend my day alone ina a theatre then trying to find a hotel restaurant open for dinner... and said I DONT THINK SO and invited me to their plce...

coolies. next year, i dont tell a soul what i am doing if they ask and then no fights! :-)

dad is in afganistan still, and his wife actually called me on the 19th to invite me over fer dinner.... which i declined cus by that point gina's grandparents had already invited me... and i'd drathe rnot go thought what i wnet thought last year ever again.... so from now on, i make my own damn plans and then, i wont be devastated when i get ditched cus i wont be ditched if its just me...

i'm not a grinch u know...

i actually love the holidays.... i love decorating and baking and cooking and wrapping and making and buying gifts...

i just ...dont have a family or a home to do it with... the onyl family i have, well they ditch me everyyear so.... last year was the last straw.... i'm tired of everyyesr being ditched fer holidays ...

but i do miss them, i do. i miss feeling liek i had a family even if it was torn, it was still family...a nd i dont even have that any more...

btw, i mentioend to alan last night...my one trus christmas miracle wish didnt come true this year.... he says well christmas still not done yet .... heres to hopeing. but fuck if it dd coe true, i ahve no idea where to got from there....

anyways..

merry fucking christmas :-) remember , i'm not a grinch, not even bitter...just...really lonely and sad...

video click here

Where are you Christmas

lyrics :

Where are you Christmas
Why can't I find you
Why have you gone away
Where is the laughter
You used to bring me
Why can't I hear music play

My world is changing
I'm rearranging
Does that mean Christmas changes too

Where are you Christmas
Do you remember
The one you used to know
I'm not the same one
See what the time's done
Is that why you have let me go

Christmas is here
Everywhere, oh
Christmas is here
If you care, oh

If there is love in your heart and your mind
You will feel like Christmas all the time

I feel you Christmas
I know I've found you
You never fade away
The joy of Christmas
Stays here inside us
Fills each and every heart with love

My fave Christmas song of all time (tied only recently wth muppet carol of the bells :-)

Snoopy vs Red Baron

Video click here

Lyrics (with chords in case u wanna play it LOL)

The news it came out in the First World War The bloody Red Baron was flying once more The Allied Command ignored all of its men And called on Snoopy to do it again  / D A7 / - D / - G / A7 D /  Was the night before Christmas and forty below When Snoopy went up in search of his foe He spied the Red Baron and fiercely they fought With ice on his wings, Snoopy knew he was caught  Christmas bells those Christmas bells Ring out from the land Asking peace of all the world And good will to man  / GA D / / GA DBm / GA D /  The Baron had Snoopy dead in his sights He reached for the trigger to pull it up tight Why he didn't shoot, well, we'll never know Or was it the bells from the village below  {Refrain} Christmas bells those Christmas bells Ringing through the land Bringing peace to all the world And good will to man  The Baron made Snoopy fly to the Rhine And forced him to land behind the enemy lines Snoopy was certain that this was the end When the Baron cried out "Merry Christmas, mein friend!"  The Baron then offered a holiday toast And Snoopy our hero saluted his host And then with a roar they were both on their way Each knowing they'd meet on some other day  {Refrain twice}

and Muppets Carol of the bells

Video click here

no lyrics other then humm ding a ding,memmeme, and ding dong.... over and over :-)

All i want for christmas...is you.

Christmas approaches. i'm still deeply, wholeheartedly in love with allen. wishing we three, me emily n allen , could work thisng out and be poly together again.... still love him every bit as much as emily and wsh o could spend my life with her and him as a poly unit...
anyways all i want for christmas....is to be able to be poly with emily and allen and so date allen again. i know pathetic.... sorry to al those who wish i'd move on...
least the freindship is mending.... back to spending time with emily and allan and family on some weekends...
did i mention how much i dont liek christmas....
On three separate occasions this weekend Emily&allens 10yr old daughter asked me , with emily being right there, "you ccleebrateing christas with us?"
everytime i just changed the subject...
i do not have it in me o say no to their sweet sweet lile darling girls puppy dog eyes...
shes autistic. she come to expect me fro christmas...
emily doesnt say anything...
i feel its not my place to tell your kid i'm not gonna be aroufd this
year like i have been fer the last 3 yrs....
not my place
and i dont ahve the heart. it breaks my heart to just think of it.
original plan fer holidays was to go to the theatres for the day and find some hotewl that had a restaurant open fer dinner.
My freind out west foudn out an asked her mom to invite me to theie place. her mom lives inthe same city.
i'll go ...but really i will still be alone. i dont knwo her mom, dont knwo her family. it willl be liek i am alone anyways. but at least this way i dont pay for turkey dinner. LOL.
my house, isnt decorated.
i'm tryign to get liek super exited for charistmas by gettign gifts ready and shopping and helping freinds, and going to gift wrapping party...but...still
hate holidays.
itd all about familiy.... and i aint got one.
i had one, with allan and emily and their wee ones.... and i fucked that up. well ok, my therapist would say ALLAN and i fucked that up. lol.
anwyas...i'm tryignt o get thru this fucking holiday season...
i used to love christmas... back when i had a family to send it with. even tho franka nd i had our problems, his family aslways made the holidays bearable. and made me feel liek i belonged...
and thats what home and family eman to me...
a sense of love and belonging....
which right now...i dont have....
happy fuckign christmas.... my ass.
i'll get thru this. they say turkey has the ability to enduce happy hormones... so does excercise.
speaking of which...back to go to excercise. endorphines..good. there sa reason i'm in rpetty good shape, lol. endorphones..gooood sit fer depression. lol.
goodnight ya'all
by the way...as usual sorry for typos..is not cus i cannot spell is cus i type too slow for my mind which is goign a mile a minute and i chiken peck type...so i watch the keyboard and not the hands...
i can type justa s fast if not faster then anybody who types watchignt he screen only problem is the have a lot lkess typos then me...
anyways laters!