feelings, annoying and true....

"Shall I be alone again?"
Fighting off the darkness inside
I feel it creep in
and pulls me down
i am left with nothing.
I twist and scream in pure agony
as i watch myself destroy everything
i hold dear.
I am a destroyer.
and bringer of woe.
MY life perhaps is best spent alone
No hurt or pain to anyone
save myself...
I can live with that.

"she"
The pain i feel is too real.
Too much.
I want to run away.
Leave me be.
I do not want to deal with you.
not now.
now ever.
You frighten me.
Go away.
just go.

"At the bar"
I am a contradiction.
happy and sad
angry and complacent.
I love and hate myself.
regrets are annoying things.
they bog me down and steal my joy.
Go away now. I want to be happy.
But they dont.
and i am left,
a mess.
a pile of contradictions.


"Untitled"
my biggest fear is not t be alone
I can be happy alone.
Theres nobody you hurt
when you're alone
No,
My biggest fear is hurting those
I love.
perhaps that is why i do not mind being alone
If i am alone,
whom can i hurt?
But it is such a sad life.
a shadow of an existence.
Tis better to chance it.
Better to be hurt
or to hurt
then be void of all feelings.

"I ____ you"
I am so scared.
I know what i am like.
I am afraid i'll push you away.
i'm afraid i'll hurt you.
Thats all i ever do.
Hurt.
And i care too deeply about you.
I dont dare say the words,
once they're said they can never be taken back.
Is it too soon?
I hold them for now,
keep them close to my heart until the time is right.
Until i know you are ready to hear them.
Until I am ready to say them.
They are too precious to be thrown about.
I am so scared I'll hurt you
Thats all i ever do.
Hurt.
And you are so dear to me i dare not chance it.
I feel like pulling away.
to keep from hurting you.
But i can't.
I feel too much.... for you
when you're ready,
when i'm ready... i'll tell you.