
Today Is my birthday.... and its a changed day from how it used to be.
I've never been one for changes. Change has always been hard... My life has always been unstable, change has sumtimes borught good but for the most part change meant i was losing some stability in my life. Parents divorced at a very young age, 5 or 6, i had just gotten used to life w/ dad and my sis then along came my sterotypical stepmom. at 8 i had to move away from the home i loved because my dad was posted with the military. at 9 i moved back, at 11 i was sent away to live with my mom... apparently i was too much for my steroetypical mom to handle. at 12 my moms boyfriend who i'd known since she left m,y dad for him... left my mom for his best friends wife. then along came my moms boyfriend and later husband.... i had a happy 5 yrs until i met frank and i was kicked out of the house.... i then found out about my heart condition and that meant more changes and restirctions...
so you see... stability is very important to me... change is always sumthing i know is a nessesity, and i dont hate it... but its hard.... so this year celebrating my birthday....its hard too. I got used to these last 7 yrs of going to my in laws being surounded by my inlaws, i even grew to like that stupid happy birthday bouncy smiley face thingy that my sister in law turned on every year! but its the last holiday that i have to experience a major change.... after this i will have had new traditions and new ways to celebrate my holidays....
still. I'm torn by memories.... and altho i try to be happy, to accept that change... my heart is heavy today. Its full of love, hate, and tears.... I remember the happy times, too bad those happy times were out weighted by the unhappy ones. Too bad He didnt work to make us work. I've moved on, but i still will cry.... this will be my last holiday i cry tho....i hope.
change, is unavaoidable. I deal.
Wen Lan.:Happy Birthday to me
video:
english translated Lyrics
I know that sorrow can't change anything
Then let me be more honest
Honest, yet it was unavoidable to have an uncontrollable vent.
What I can do is to close the door and not to take notice of anybody
Sitting in the empty room alone
Let the cellphone rest for a night
So hard, want to cut off the pictures of the memories
No tears should be shed after twelve o'clock
Happy birthday
I say to myself
The candle is lighted
The aloneness is brightened
Happy birthday
Tears have melted
I want to thank you for everything you given me and taken away from me
Still love you, with a little bit hate
I need some time
To balance
The scar of love
The disillusionment and the revival
I wish myself happy birthday