Tombstones and questions

"i'm afaraid he wont remeber me." Her words full of fear and her eyes were full of tears as vivian, one of my oldest and dearest friends spoke. Viv and i have had our differences. she's bi, ex-anglicain, and a bit of a party gal who likes the attention from guys.... but she's also a fun loving sweety who loves who she loves and hates who she hates. she's an open book of sorts. I've been trying to hang out with her more often, because even i am getting that feeling...
that she's not goin gto be around much longer.
I got that feeling w/ Mae. for about two years I felt the death on her.... sensed it. Knew it was there, stalking her. I feel it w/ Vivian too.
I dont tell anybody I agree. I didnt w/ Mae either. Just kept saying, she'll be around for years. She'll get better.
I do the same w/ Vivian.
Just ask allan, he'll tell you that whenever he's mentioned it I've brushed it off. I have never admited to anyone that I knwo she's dying. I see it everyday wheni look at her. and it terrifies me.
So I spend as much time as i can with her.
Vivian was diagnosed w/ Juvinile dibetes when she was 11. spent most of her time in hospitals until her sugars were finally controllable via insulin...or so we thought. I never thpught of diebetes as a deadle disease.... i always saw it as nuisance. No sugar. I mean, Dad has a mild version of type 2, Mae had type 2, and a lot of other ppl. It wasnt until I saw Frank's half uncle slowly die fron diebetes that i realised... it could be deadly.
It is for Vivian too.
She knows it. She says she was not supposed to live past 19. I didnt know that until this year...I knew she was sick, I knew it was bad.... but i didnt know how bad. i always wondered why she was so wild. Viv had 3 babies, 2 miscarried. Gabriel was the one who survived. Trust me, he brought glad tidings :) He wa sa miracle, She was nevcer supposed to have kids w/ he diebetess and blood condition... he was born premarturly. they were sure he'd die. He was ecpected in july aug... he was born in april. He'll be 4 this year. Gabriel has autism. So Vivian says, and i beleive her. From being around kids, I place his speech capabilities that of a 2 yrs old. His social skills , well hes extroverted, ina way. hes ver personalble when u get to know him, set in his ways.... Vivian is scared that when she dies he'll be too young or too developmentally challanged to truly remeber her. Shes scared he'll only remember her as always sick...
I told her my earliest memory was when i was 2 . I told her he's never forget his mum. I told her that he wil be surounded w/ stories and pivtures and memoroies of his mother.
Truth is, w/ him.... u never know.
I dont know either. I wish I did. I dont.
So whats do you say to friend, who nows she dieing? Do You try to lead her back to God? Do u reassure her that she'll Live a Long Life?
I dont know. all i know is the friend I could never have a serious conversation with is suddenly ....serious?
At least she reaching out. Hasnt cut off those closest to her. I ddi that w/ all my non church christian friends.... i'm both glad and scared she hasnt dun the same. she's reachin out...and for Viv..... thats a scary thing.....