happiness is a lie
fantisised but never realised
its all fake
a smiling face
hides sad eyes

lately i've been battleing a horrendous flu. its lasted a week now.'m on antibiostics and have missed 3 days of work because of it..... and i have never felt so very alone and lonely and sad....
i prided myself on how well i was doing living on my own. until i got this flu.
and all i can think is... i'm alone. i so very alone.
i'm throwing up....int he bathroom... and i'm alone. i'm aching all over and just want sumbody to hold me close, and i'm alone.
i can harly get outta bed at times and i am starving and cant make myself sumthing to eat..... i wish sum1 was there to make food for me... and 'm alone.
my ctas are hungry and i am so sick at times i have to make them weait fer hours for food cus i cant get outta bed yet... adn i'm alone...
god i'm pathetic.
its just a damn flu! but sice i've caught it... i've never been so alone.
and a friends words on my facebook page keep haunting me.. ringing true....
"Its terrible being alone and sick."
it is.
man, i thought i had all these feelings sorted out. takes a flu to bring em out again i guess....
but itsa tru. here i am w/ fevers, and sickness, and all i have are my cats and a phone. and everybody i phone either doesnt have time to talk, arent home, are busy, or just " arent phone ppl. btw... those include my boyfriend. lol. at least when i called one night begging them to drop off gingerale and sihwasher detergent he did, and didnt charge me a thing. i just wish he cldve stayed longer....
and he did drop by thursday, bought a cpl movies and we curled up ont he couch together..... me sleeping in his arms cus i was too sick and tired to stay awake anylonger... him snoring away cus he was comfortable.... his snores helping me sleep...
i just wish he couldve stayed longer, or more often... but he has a whole other life.....
so i'll have to be happy w/ juta few hours ona thursday and sunday... and maybe a fer minutes when he drops off stuff to me...
sumthing tell me, love is not meant to make u lonely.....not like this anyways.
but i am, very lonely. and its pathetic.