warning, female stuff...I both love, and hate my period....

Ok, so a few posts ago i mentioned the pregnancy scare..... well seeing as how i had one positive and one negative and a missed period, and then a very late very short period I decided to still go see my family doctor and get a pelvic exam and pregnancy test done.she did one pee test, negative, and a blood test just to be sure (waiting for that)
now here why i hate and ove my period... last mnth my period showed up the same night as pregnancy test # 2... about an hour later..... damn period has a sense of humouir cus guess what..... a few hrs after my doctors appointment today the damn thing showed up again!
i am both happy it is here, but po'ed it showed up soon after said tests were done!
$%^&*(#$%^&
anyways..... good news bad news
pelvic exam done, no baby. waiting on blood tests just to be sure because of the first positive...but thats a lot of negatives so doc thinks i am baby free...thats wonderful news. especialy when yer struly is in a sekrit relationship and is planning on starting school this fall... yers truly want o be a teacher... or a soccial worker.... havent decided yet.... yeash, i've only had 10 yrs of battling this career business back and forth.... anyways
heres that bad news now...
had a talk with me...
altho i was cleared from all restrictions as of may 26 fer my heart....
which means that a pregnancy is allowed now, cus well from 2000 to last yr it was a no go fer babies........but...
if i were to get pregnant
*drum roll*
would be very hi risk pregancy.
whats dis mean i asked the perdy doctor lady who has known me since the wee bitty me days ...
means if ever yers truly decided to get pregnant there would be "intensive monitoring" as doc put it and "bed rest" and "restrictions"
growl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I THOUGHT I WAS NORMAL AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
no really... u dont undertsand..... unless u have had a condition that permeates yer every fiber and every day life..... one online friend fer example knows how i feel as they have severe color blindnesss, my grandmother understands as she is blind, my dad understands as he has a heart cionditon...
think of it this way..... i was told no restrictions... live normally. see for yrs until i had my open heart surgury and even then up till this last yr in may i had restrictions.... no this and no that.... amnong them i cldnt be as active anymore , walking only. after a while even that became hard to do. i could not move away as that wld mean gettign a new cardiologist and fat chance anytime soon and meant being put on the bottom of the barrel list fer surgury which i didnt want to happen . so not moving meant i cldnt move to a better job fer my then hubby& i cldnt go to school because he cldnt get the better job to support me as working and school were too much physically fer me to handle... so my dreams got put off...and then on top of that every married woman who eventually wants family's worst nightmarer happens i get told no pregancy at all as will endanger my life....
so when i was told in docs exact words " live normally, no restrictions" i really felt normal.... den the restrictons keep a popping up...like this week i geta flu that lasts a week, i get put on antibiotics cus " with yer heart u cant take chances"
but ok that was ok... small restrictions... that medical... no prob i still felt normal as all cld be...
now now i finally felt normal, like i cld do whatever.... and te doc nvr mentioned in may about pregancy problems....
so needless to say... i am a tad disturbed... not that yers truly is wanting babies yet... i just.... wld like to be normal...
u know

anyways... i gtg...
like i said this blog is a place i cane put all my fears and life wackiness, and bullshit, and even heartaches so that i can try to sort thru them
so yeah....
lets see how i sort this one....
lol