survivors group

well, i woke up in the wee hrs and coudnt get back to sleep ...again. poor wesley last night i feel asleep on him when we got home...no seriously we were cuddleing and i was joking about haveing sex etc and ..then i fell aleep. a new way to blue ball? tell ur boyfreind dirty things in bed then...pass out on them. this pain crap is getting really annoying relly fast. i mean i didnt take n e pills, i was just so wiped i passed out. mind u i also didnt sleep well the night b4....

so i have my survivors group ina lil bit.... i bot hte and love this group. it makes me deal with crap and well..it is not easy. i mean i'm inna group of like minded poeple, who are just as broken if not worse and all fort he same reason... childhood molestation or even worse...rape.

i dunno what to expect today. i am kinda glad wesley works on saturdays, then, then he doesnt see me right after these groups. altho i normally unwind after group by going to the mall fer sum shopping therapy. lol. nuttin bad, just a cpl dollars i can afford ;-) a dvd at walmart or sumthing, u know? n e ways...i've got to go....

todays theme song will be posted...once i figure out what kidna mood i am in...

i'm still trying t get a handle on the relationship thing btw. i am putting up walls again...trying to keep from being hurt. and thats not good. it i a lot of work to tear down those walls over and over..... but i need to. i have to let wesley in and not block him out just cus i am scred i will get hurt like i was with frank and allan.... hell even with emily. the three closest (liveing) ppl in my life.... speaking of which...mae's death anniversary is comeing up. i need to find a way to er grave w sumbody i trust.... and most my freinds dont havecars. crap.