here is the situation as it rolled out...
i'm on the sofa, sleeping. it is 1230am. my sinus infection has kicked back in and i feel like crap. wesley has gone home as usualy to sleep. i get text. its a freind of ours, beth. beth and her hubby bob are trying to get plans firmed with me and welsey and our other freind james. anyways we had firmed up dinner plans by the time i went to bed or so i had thought. after wesley left beth and wesley are still texting back and forth. next thing i know i get woken up at 1230am by beths texts sayig she is so ripping mad at my boyfreind. so i ask y and she asks if she can call...
turns out she and her hubby invited us to dinner. never metnioned goign out. so wesley assumed it was dinner at her place. i didnt care. her place or our place or out...still hanging with my freinds. so when wesley goes home and finds out via texting beth that dinner is out he gets mad. says no i cant afford to go out and im pretty sure my girlfriend is in same boat. now in his defense, yes we had justtalked about my tight finacial strings cus i had opted at last minute to take another course at university.... but i can afford say a soup er sumthing. anyways.... so he declines the invite. so then beth says well we areall going to my place after dinner to play league of legends (yuck btw. i dont play i just go to watch and hang...) but that she cant go get me and james and go to dinner then go and get wesley and then drive us all home. too much gas. so wesley lost it on beth saying how rude it was to invite us out to dinner but not pick us up... and then the fight back and forth her saying how rude it is to assume she is the chauffeur...etc etc...
by the end of it I have caled beth down and convinced her it is a simple misunderstanding. yes it is wrong of wesley to assume that and invite out automatically means a pick up too. and i let it go with her. shes happier. and im tired. now the whole time she is talking to me she says she is getting angry texts from wesley.
so i figure.... lemme try n cheer him up w/ a silly text and let him know i wanna talk in the morning. afterall he is gonna want to vent. and i will need to get his side and if it iswhat i think it is, point out it is actually rude to assume a drive then get mad when it isnt happening...
so i send him a cave text...cus its 1am...
"wesley make beth call walkswithwolves at 1230. have words with wesley but not until big fireball back in sky. xoxoxo"
now i understand, he was mad at beth. ok. but he then sends me a text
"eff off to the both of ya. im going to sleep now"
ok so i figure..... hes teasing. he has got to be... he wld never tell me to fuck off... he woudl never lose his temper at me fer sumthign so silly asthis. i did nuttin wrong...
next day i cant geta hold of him.... he has shut his phone off. the last time he did that he shut it off fer 2 days and wouldnt answer his door....
i think...maybe his phone died. he cant be mad at me. i did nuttin wrong...
im at work and im trying not to cry cus i keep tellign myself his phone is dead...hes not mad. but i know full well he is mad...
so when we finally speak..... its 4pm. and i take my half hour break. so i ask him wassup and he admits...\he got mad at beth and me. he admits that he assumed a drive wasincluded int he invite and that yes it was rude of him to assume that and then get mad at beth for nt pickign him up. an invite doesnt automatically include a drive and he shoudl ask and not be upset if the aswer is no....
he admits the eff off was NOT a joke. that he was pissed off at beth and then took my text as me taking her side over his....
he admist he has had his phone off all day to ignore me.
to whic i say ...hwere in that text did i say u were wrong she was right. i sent a silly text in cave speak and said we woudl talk in the morning. a talk doesnt automatically mean i think u r wrong n she is right. it can just mena i wanna hear ur side of the story but not then and there cus its after 1230am... and i even ended the text with xoxoxo (hug kiss hug kiss hug kiss)
he says... i see your point.
at this point...im pissed...
but i say calmly yet firmly.... after a long pause
thats it? you blow up at me over nutthing. tell me to eff off. and i dont even get an apology when u admit u were wrong. listen i may get bitchy on my period, but i warn u when is going on and tell u its ok to leave cus im snappy and haveing ahard time controlign myself. but in all the time i have ever been bitchy or mad i have never ever told u to fuck off....
i do beleive u owe me an apology."
to which he says "sorry"
and then i say... we will talk about this more at home toight.... i dont wanna have this talk at work.
later tha night i let it all go. again im not yelling. im calm but firm
"listen....u say u lost it over feeling liek i took beths side over yours. right?"
he says yes
i say "i didnt take sides but even if i had u felt betrayed by that. right? and thats y u got mad?"
he says "yes"
i say" fine.... but let me tell u somthing. love is not saying "wesley is always right and ver wrong and i will always take his side over everybody elses even when he is wrong". no love is respecting each other. love is respecting each other enuff to say "wesley, i love you and i have your back and not goign anyhweres but u are wrong here" and u can do vive versa with me. thats what part of lobve is. love is not blind fathfullness. love is respect. u disrespected me. u got angry at me because u assumed i had betrayed u just for taking beths side, when u were wrong and admit to it not. i was not invoved in the fight. i was not texting you ruse texts like u were to beth. and u lost it on me. and thats what hurts the most. u lost ur temper and flew off at mevia text over nuthhin i had done and then turn ur phone off to ignore me so we cant talk about it. u acted liek a spoiled child throwing a tantrum. when u r mad, TALK TO ME. dont tell me to fuck off and then ignore me for the day. TALK! i am incredibley hurt, and alo mad at u. u have doen this before over nuttin. u have turned ur phone off and ignored me whani have wanted to talk things thru. and on top of all this...i had to force u to say u were sorry whern once u had realsied what u had dun was wrong it shld have come automatically. u were 100% in the wrong here...and im hurt cus of it."
he shut up..didnt say n e thing more...
and we went most the night not talking. i asked if he was still staying the night. felt it was important that i woudl only eventually stup hurting by being around him... and that if we stayed around each other the lines of communication woudl open back up and we would eventually be fine and not so awkward.
he said yes.
i told him iw as still hurt and mad...
then.. later that night
he says he is goign home to play a video game with a freind.
i just stare at him
he says "what. is that wrong?"
i say..
yes yes it is. i asked u to stay. told u why. u agreed. and now u wanna go fuck off and playa video game. no it isnt ok with me. and if u wanna go then go but know it is not with my stamp of approval. cus u alreayd said u wld stay the night and i have tol d u im still upset"
so he stasys.... and by the time we go to bed i am feelign better and so is he.... so we talk sum more and we cuddle and all is forgiven...
i know i know it is stupid silly. he just told me to fuck off. it wasnt the words i later explained to him. its that he lost his temper at me for thinkign i had taken another friends side over his. i told himt hats what hurt. that i want him to know i will always have his back but that i will also respect and love him enuff to say when he is wrong. because if i cant tell him he is wrong, who can. that just because he doesnt somthing wrong desntmmean i am gonna leave him or dont love him. mind u there are linits lol but that ultimatly, i have his back but willt ell him when he is wrong and i expect the same from him...
thats what hurt. i feel like he doesnt respect me. that he esxpects blind faithful loyalty.... and that we have different views of love...
i have his back. i do. but will also tell him hes wrong, but stand by him.
does he feel the same???
btw, he still isnt able to get a full nights sleep over here.... i have tried kicking the cats out i have tried swicthed sides of the bed. i have tried changing pillows. i have tried asking him to bringhis pillows and sheets blankets etc over. i have tried putting the laptop int he bedroomso he can watch tv in bed. i have tried puttin a tv in the bedroom. i have tried keeping things the same.... i have tried goignt o bed before him, after him, with him. i have tried not snuggling him. i have tried snuggling him.....
nothign is working.
it has been ayear and my boyfriend still can sleep int he same bed with me. oh he does it. but he doesnt sleep. he tosses and turns and wakes up and then wakes me up and...argh!
thorn in my side...
he has even sumthing gotten up inthe night and said he was goign home to sleep....when he does that i start to cry and he will hug me and tell me "u know u r my sunshine. right?" and i will say yes. and we will kiss and he goes home and i cry myself to sleep....
i dont knwo what to do.... a year. how much longer till he can fall asleep here?
