laughter

Ya know, my wes...he fucks up. i fuck up too.... but he always makes up for it and it is never malicious....

he bought me my first rose a cpl days before Christmas.... my first rose from him... it took ten mths but hey...its a rose FOR NO REASON!! i aint complaining, ROSE FOR NO REASON OTHER THEN JUST BECAUSE... hells yeah NOW THATS HOW U TREAT LADY WES!!! LOL the first bouquet he bought me was a cpl mths ago to apologise for "forgetting" about me in november... oh yeah. he was very very verrrrry apologetic.

i still wonder about how this will all work out...try to go with the flow.

i go thru such happy and sad moments with him. up down...up down. he can makemefeel so much hapier and so much sadderdepending on what he does.... he is a contant joy and sadness in my life...

i have never laughed so geninly in so long for no reason.... my freinds all see it and all comment that this is the happiest they ahve ever seen me..

but little things can make me so sad..

somethign as silly as a stupid answer on a stupid quiz can make me wanna cry...

cus after ten mths... i mean, his sister has moved in woth her boyfreind and theya re tyalking rings and...

whats wes think? he shiesfrom it...and i just try and be patient..

and i try not to take too much heart in stupid things.... like this question ona quiz he did:

How do you view lifelong commitment to a single romantic partner?

I have or want such a romance.
Such a romance would be ideal--if it's achievable.
I worry I'd miss out on what others have to offer.
Tie yourself to one person? Huge mistake.

now at first he joked with answering th last one, i laughed at it...then he selected "Such a romance would be ideal--if it's achievable."..... after ten mths I wld have liked to see " I have or want such a romance:....

but thats just me...

its small ands im acting silly but ti still hurts cus of a deeper wound.... i am so ready to start a life, i want a commitment... a ring, move in...sumthing...

but school comes first.... for him.

and so, because student loans wld not give him as much if he moved in cus they wld take my income into account... he lives apart from me... mind u it is across the hall but... and heres the other wound... he still cant stay over here often cus he still cant sleep int he same bed with me...

he just isnt used to it...

my love

my soulmate

after eleven mths of dateing

cant sleep with me...

and i suppose that hurts cus of another wound from allan. he could enever stay the night... because of emily. so now here i am in a monogamous realtionship and he has no kids and wes, cant stay the night woth me regularly...

so yeah...

wounds

all minor. i k now

wes is fantastic i have never been s happy

or so frustrated...