yes, come one come all and see the marvelous migician cries alone perform he most famous trick.... the disappearing reappearing relationship.... akak the on again off again relationship...akak crie alones specialty fucking things up then making them up again....
bear in mind this trick was performed w/ frank and now with allan
sooooooooooooooooooooo
heres the set up for this installation of the trick
allan, had the thought he may he might possible want to see other women side me and emily.
me all along these almost 2 yrs has thought that was ok.
afterall he is poly
and i was and still am fine with emily....
why wouldnt i be fine with sombody else.
right?
ba na naaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
wrong!
allan meets a girl, says she is attracted to him...
he is attracted to her
doesn neccessarilly want to date her... but begins to
wonder
ponder
and consider
.....
a third!
ooooooooooooooooooooooo.....ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....
enter the magician and the sidekick.....
allan ahs know this for a few weeks
finally at emilys urging he decided to tell cries.
he meets up with her for their usual thursday date...
goes for a walk
a talk
then
goes to see a movie
movie lasted till 230am.
just as he walkes her to her door to kiss her goodnight... he tels her
"this person said tey were attracted to me. i'm attracted to her. i am takign things incredibly slow. she doesnt know i am poly. and i dont knwo if i want to date another woman. i am considering if i have the time etc to spend and see another woman"
hello allan, you've just dropped a hiroshima esque bomb on cries lap!
she is shiocked.
stupified
mortified
scared
stressed
and well lost
cries tells allan on friday may 1st she is scared. this has blown her away. she has never thought i would eb aproblem, but it is. she doesnt knwo why but it is.... it is unusual to say th least as she has no problems w/ emily why awould any other not be ok?
allan needs to leave the conversation. agree to talk on may 2nd.
beginning of trick
allan and cries talk for 4 hrs on saturday
cries tell allan... she needs him to think about what he wants
allan tell cries she needs to hink what she wants
cries... asks for a break. explaining that if she decides she cant handle a 3rd or a 4th or whatever... and if he decides he does want the possibility of more....
then
they are thru.
and she says they need a break.
just friends
allan fights, doest want it.. then because she says she needs it.... not wants, needs....he agrees..
tada!
the relationship has disappeard!!!!!
audience applause please....
enter the after math of trick
cries i lost. alone. tied talking to blogger firends, to online friends, to emily, to best friends....still lost
cries keeps hearing allans words in her head and sees his hurt eyes.....
"i fought for you!!!!!" reffering to when emily asked him to end it with cries....
criesis devastated...
she has now lost two loves in her life....
what is wrong with her?
she is so in love and so very hurt.
she just wants to know what he wants and what she wants and make sure they meet....
the thought has thrown her fer a loop. she didnt knwo she felt this way.
so many things to consider...
she is lost already in this relationship, brining sumbody else in wld make her even more lost
cries wld have to strech herself out more emotionally .....consider the thirds persons needs and desires and adapt her needs and desires accordingly.
cries feels she has already adpated enuff.
cries is deciding to take a stand.
for her
no more
this si ridiculous. 'she didnt fele this way b4 but she does now.
45 minutes later
she regrest her decison she made on friday b4 they talked on saturday....
may 3rd come salong
cries is now practically catatonic. nothing matters. nothing is here. all is pain. love is lost. all her fault. allans wrods keep rining in her head..."i fouight for you" and she keeps seeing those hurt eyes!
that night.... all alone... nobosy to talk to in detail....cried contemplates hurting herself....
she tinks " that balcony is only 2 floor... i wld survive that, i'd get hurt tho" and "gettign drunk wld be so nice now" and "i shld just call in work sick.....stay in bed. nvr get out...."
cries calls a friend.... asks them to come over. amke sure she doesnt do anything.
at this point...cries has had maybe a grand total of 6 hrs sleep in 3 days......
eneter the surpise show
may 4th.
cries misses allan liek she misses her heart. still no word from friends. very alone.
cries.....texts allan. asking him to come by to talk...
allan....agrees!
they talk. it is 1230am.
cries explains her reasons for the break were good at heart. to take allan out of her deciosn and her out of allans decision
cries pours her heart out... explaining her feelings of insecurity, of emotional strain, of life complications, of not wanting allan to chng his beleifs for her and vice versa....
allan and cries cuddle
cries cries
allan holds
cries and allan.... aggree to end the break
TADA rlationship reappears!
fucked up? fer sure. i still dont knwo if this will work.... i have a feeling he'd chng for me and i dont knwo how to make sure he doesnt....
i am scare dhe'll do that.....or that he wont understand that for me.... this is most likely not a temporary decions... when i decide i can only strewetch so far....that is it. no more
ever.
and i am scred that i will decide this is all i can strech and that he....will one day ask me to strecth and i will say no and then... we are right back here
i feel like crud....for hurting him so badly.
he forgave me
i forgave him
vut still hurts
we arent fixed....
but we arent appart....
well at least now i can sleep!
i'm dizzy.....
this si hard ont he head! i gues it is better to decide togethrt thru talking then to separate decide then separatr or come back together....
i still dont know....how this will work.....
but at least....we will figure this out together...if we must part ays, so be it.... but for now... we will talk....