i am my mother's daughter after all.... i became the other woman, just like her

I had stayed home from work, hit rock bottom emotionally. worn out. had a nasty cold all last week, and then over the weekend bottomed out emotionally. monday forced myself to work, couldnt do it today. slept thru 3 alarms... i NEVER sleep thru alarms....
I called allan to tell him enuff was enuff. see, he never told emily hima nd i were having sex again. he never said a thing. kept it from ehre. and i enver really bothered to say a damn thing, part of of ignorance, part out of selfishness, part out of stupidity. i stupidly beleived it was sumthign he would tell her on his own time. i stupidly belaived i didnt need to tell her because what went on between allan and i was private, and didnt need to involve her. i stupidly asked allan to please refrain from goign into details with her.... until we had at least figured things out... because throwing her into the equation made it too confusing, and it as bad enuff.... at least, thats what he says i said. i really dont remeber. but why would he lie about that? still. i mean, i can kinda hear me saying that. i just need a week or two to get sum answers for her is all. i mean when she asks if we are datign again, or do i still love him, or what is this now or where is this going... i'd liek to be able to answer her. i can see me saying please refrain from goign into details... but that doesnt eman i didnt want him to keep he and i secret. i mean. tell her the sex part, and leave ou the rest maybe. i just... i'm so very very confused right now...
this sia ll so fucked up. i really dont remmeber askign him to not tell ehr tho... i can see me saying it..but..i dont remember... and even if i did... why woudl he listen..she has a right o know...doesnt she? hell yeah!
anwyays, its my fault. i set up boundaries, and i shuld have stood more firm. but the firmer i stood, the harder it was to keep my ground and eventually i just didnt wanna fight it anylonger.
not allans fault i cant keep my pants on around him.
anwyas, today is aid enuff wa senuff. no more. this is wrong. no mre. told him i felt liekw e werre having an affair on emeily and i also pointed out...
how is this any diiferent from what she did to him last yr having an affair w/ amarried man whose wife didnt know?
THAT GOT HIM TO UNDERSTAND .
anwyays, hes promised he'll leave those boundaries alone....
ffeinds. no sex.
hard to do... very very hard to do...
so in honour of my pure stupisity thwese last 3 mths.... this is allan and mine's theme song...
BAD ROMANCE
LADY GAGA

Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh-oh-oh!
Caught in a bad romance
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh-oh-oh!
Caught in a bad romance

Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah-ah!
Roma-roma-mamaa!
Ga-ga-ooh-la-la!
Want your bad romance

Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah-ah!
Roma-roma-mamaa!
Ga-ga-ooh-la-la!
Want your bad romance

I want your ugly
I want your disease
I want your everything
As long as it’s free
I want your love
(Love-love-love I want your love)

I want your drama
The touch of your hand
I want your leather-studded kiss in the sand
I want your love
Love-love-love
I want your love
(Love-love-love I want your love)

You know that I want you
And you know that I need you
I want it bad, your bad romance

I want your love and
I want your revenge
You and me could write a bad romance
(Oh-oh-oh--oh-oooh!)
I want your love and
All your lovers' revenge
You and me could write a bad romance

Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh-oh-oh!
Caught in a bad romance
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh-oh-oh!
Caught in a bad romance

Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah-ah!
Roma-roma-mamaa!
Ga-ga-ooh-la-la!
Want your bad romance

I want your horror
I want your design
‘Cause you’re a criminal
As long as your mine
I want your love
(Love-love-love I want your love-uuhh)

I want your psycho
Your vertigo stick
Want you in my rear window
Baby you're sick
I want your love
Love-love-love
I want your love
(Love-love-love I want your love)

You know that I want you
('Cause I'm a freak bitch baby!)
And you know that I need you
I want it bad, your bad romance

I want your love and
I want your revenge
You and me could write a bad romance
(Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh!)
I want your love and
All your lovers' revenge
You and me could write a bad romance

Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh-oh-oh!
Caught in a bad romance
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh-oh-oh!
Caught in a bad romance

Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah-ah!
Roma-roma-mamaa!
Ga-ga-ooh-la-la!
Want your bad romance

Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah-ah!
Roma-roma-mamaa!
Ga-ga-ooh-la-la!
Want your bad romance

Walk, walk fashion baby
Work it
Move that bitch crazy

Walk, walk fashion baby
Work it
Move that bitch crazy

Walk, walk fashion baby
Work it
Move that bitch crazy

Walk, walk passion! baby
Work it
I'm a freak bitch, baby

I want your love and
I want your revenge
I want your love
I don’t wanna be friends

Je veux ton amour
Et je veux ta revanche
Je veux ton amour
I don’t wanna be friends
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh!
I don’t wanna be friends
(Caught in a bad romance)
I don’t wanna be friends
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh!
Want your bad romance
(Caught in a bad romance)
Want your bad romance!

I want your love and
I want your revenge
You and me could write a bad romance
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh!
I want your love and
All your lovers' revenge
You and me could write a bad romance

Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh-oh-oh!
Want your bad romance
(Caught in a bad romance)
Want your bad romance

Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh-oh-oh!
Want your bad romance
(Caught in a bad romance)

Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah-ah!
Roma-roma-mamaa!
Ga-ga-ooh-la-la!
Want your bad romance