argh!

So, dad is a way down in USA sumplace.... training for Afghanistan tour in july...
our relationship has come a ways.... i miss him. and while he is away he seems to be understanding more and more about him and his wife and how their marriage is in name only now.... thats good.
i just wish he'd realize that our relationship was in many ways the same... I want my dad. I want a home.
i'm working on it.
bit by bit.
and i'd like to hope it is coming along. we;ve made some progress, but its times like the Christmas that just passed that set us back to practically square one....
more and more.... i long to have a home. I can live alone. i can't live without a home tho.
christmas, put huge huge ass dark cloud or whatever you wanna call it over my head.
I'm thinking on seeing if i can afford councillign again... this time.... not for relationship issues, and not for divorce stuff, or molestations aftermath.... this time.... for whatever the hell this feeling of having no home is from...
ha, see folks...this si what can happen when you are the product of a triple divorce family plus add in yer own divorce to the mix....
you end up witha stray...
me.
one day, one day i'll go home..... and it wont be temporary it wont be just for a cpl yrs.... it will be my home..... for life....
home for me, is not a house....
it is a feeling of belonging and love.
sure i have friends who love me and have said they are my family....
still..they arent home....
I always have this line from one of my fave anime's them songs stuck in my head... its kinda a way to sum up how i feel...
"Is there a place left there for me
Somewhere that I belong
Or will I always live this way... ?
Always stray"


Home
All dogs go to heaven soundtrack

All I have is a picture in my mind how it would be
If we were together
Let's pretend that you're far away
Let's say you write to me
And you promise in your letter
That you'll come home
Come home to my heart
When you come home
We'll never be apart
If I keep dreaming of you
Start believing it's true
Soon you'll come home
Soon you'll come home
Soon you'll come home
To my heart
Soon you'll come home
Home to my heart
Soon you'll come home
Home to my heart
If I believe...

Stray
Wolf's rain soundtrack
LISTEN HERE
Stray! Stray!
In the cold breeze that I walk along
The memories of generations burn within me
Been forever since I cried the pain and sorrow
I live and die, proud of my people gaining

I'm here standing at the edge
Starin up at where the moon should be

Stray!
No regrets 'cause I got nothin to lose
Ever stray!
So I'm gonna live my life as I choose
Until I fall..

Stray! Stray!
Stray! Stray!

In the white freeze, I never spoke of tears
Or opened up to anyone including myself
I would like to find a way to open to you
Been awhile, don't know if I remember how to

I'm here waiting on the edge
Would I be alright showing myself to you?
It's always been so hard to do..

Stray!
No regrets 'cause I got nothin to lose
Ever stray!
So I'm gonna live my life as I choose
Until I fall...

Stray! Stray!
Stray! Stray!
Stray! Stray!

Is there a place left there for me
Somewhere that I belong
Or will I always live this way... ?
Always stray

No regrets 'cause I got nothin to lose
Ever stray!
So I'm gonna live my life as I choose
Cause all things fall

Stray! Stray!
Stray! Stray!
Stray! Stray!

Stray...