University... me?

so, i've done this all once before....
only it was a different university.
i was a different person
i was in a different life
in love with a different man
and going to get a different job.
this all feel so weird now. I mean, i'm no longer that fresh outta high school woman looking all bright eyed and bushy tailed at her future....
I'm well... i'm me....
i mean, I'm doing this to take charge. make a change in life. live my dreams...
all that glorious shit...
LOL
and i've never been more terrified in all my life.

Yeah yeah, i know it is only one course.... but thats how this starts. i take one course, proove to the school essentially that i'm a worthy student. then in September i either go full time, or at least take a cpl more courses.
and for sure in January 2011 (if the university will have me) i go full time.

one, small step.....

I have no idea if i can do this. i mean, i can't even type an email without typos LOL.
But, i have Allan for inspiration.
I mean, he's going back too... so whether or not he realises it... he's my support right now.
even if that support only comes int he form of a catalyst. even if he drops out. even if he fails. he was my support in that i looked at him and said "he's got 3 kids, a house, and he's doing this.... so can i"
Like me, he has wanted to go back to get a degree for years.... but something held him back....
i dont know what held him back... but there was sumthing. and he pushed throught that sumthing and went back to school...
so, ... when i got the news i was going to be let go from work...it was the catalyst i needed to go back to school.
and even tho they've decided to keep me... I've decided to still go ahead with going back to school...
Cus he found the strength to at least try. and he has a helluva lot more obstacles then i do...
so... here i go too...
and if he drops out....or fails... i still will keep going on without him.... cus his support, came in the way of my ability to look at him for inspiration as a catalyst.
i am doing this for me.
the only support i gain from him is friendship and a competitive spirit in me that says if he can find the strength to try to do it, so can i.....
still
I have no idea what i am doing.
and i still keep thinking that on monday i'll go into that school and they'll say "ooops, sorry...no school for you"
it is all kinda surreal....

I should not be afraid....
but i am....
excited
but afraid

i mean..... this is it....

no more talking

no more planning

no more obstacles

no more....

just me

and my oppertunity

i've never been more frightened in all my life. no more reasons not to go. this is it. it is go time. it is now or never...
becasue if i do not do this now
i'll regret it
and i'll neverhave the stregth to do this again...
so here i go again....
back to school i go....
and on top of that
back into the world of dating i go....

and here is todays theme song in honour of school and dating
Here i Go Again
Whitesnake

I don't know where I'm goin
but I sure know where I've been
hanging on the promises in songs of yesterday.
An' I've made up my mind, I ain't wasting no more time
but here I go again, here I go again.

Tho' I keep searching for an answer
I never seem to find what I'm looking for.
Oh Lord, I pray you give me strength to carry on
'cos I know what it means to walk along the lonely street of dreams.

Here I go again on my own
goin' down the only road I've ever known.
Like a drifter I was born to walk alone.
An' I've made up my mind, I ain't wasting no more time.

Just another heart in need of rescue
waiting on love's sweet charity
an' I'm gonna hold on for the rest of my days
'cos I know what it means to walk along the lonely street of dreams.

Here I go again on my own
goin' down the only road I've ever known.
Like a hobo I was born to walk alone.
An' I've made up my mind, I ain't wasting no more time
but here I go again, here I go again,
here I go again, here I go.

An' I've made up my mind, I ain't wasting no more time.

Here I go again on my own
goin' down the only road I've ever known.
Like a drifter I was born to walk alone
'cos I know what it means to walk along the lonely street of dreams.

Here I go again on my own
goin' down the only road I've ever known.
Like a drifter I was born to walk alone.
An' I've made up my mind, I ain't wasting no more time
but here I go again, here I go again,
here I go again, here I go,
here I go again.