the world had changed.... for better? toughts and theme song

I try not to be angry, hurt, or frustrated.
i am failing miserably.
i try to let go and forget freinds and lovedones like emily and allan....
i am failing miserably.

on a lighter side.... falling more and more for wesley. spent last night listening to a bunch of music diddies he made via midi player like fifteen yrs ago. they are pretty good actually. wishi ould sumhow pilfer a cpl and post em here. he also explained to me about midi file music...how (and forgive me if i get this wrong) the computer pulls the sound from its sound card. and that sum sounds are not found on some soundcard so the computer just goes, here i have this instead. so poor wesley was quite disapointed with sum of his music saying "its not supposed . to sound liek that...theres thi here and that there"
some of my fave afternoons or evenings are time well wasted laying on his lap listening to his music play lists (some he hasd made himself other times interesting stuff he likes to share)
i love him dearly, and it has only been three months...oh dear gal, slow down or u r gonna crash and burn and it will hurt...a fuck ton.
speaking of fucking... doing it. altho, terrified of pregnancy (i'm TERRIBLE at taking pills) so kinda spareingly. whch sucks, cus...i am like wanting to fuck..al the time LOL
had a "talk" with poor wesley last night. my three mth talk. managed to get sum info outta him.
goals mainly.....
alright...
so
in life he would like one kid
a house
his woman to have a career which doesnt take her away too much
ummmm.....shit what else
theyr were pretty vague and general....
anyways it is about all i can expect or did want to hear...
i jys wantd to know if he eventually wanted kids. if he eventually wanted ,ore then...a fck buddy girlfreind...u know?
and he does. thanfully
altho...giggle...i want 2 kids. shhhhh we wont tell him that n scare him yet. sheesh i was lucky to get that much outta him. the man is gunshy when it comes to these kinda questions... i just want general goals..u know? thats all...
not plans. just goals. thats all i wanted...goals.
anyways.... i think teaching or my back up (if i get prego) medical admin work well with what he said..and most ppl know htese r things i always said i wanted fer careers. preferable teacher but medical admin was the shit i need a good job inna pinch sumthing that wont take 5 yrs!
medivcal admis takes 10mths LOL

he is a sweet man, altho skiddish at times when i ask hard questions. he is very sweet. a fello geek to the core. we have tons in commmon. he reminds me A LOT of allan. altho, less "out there" more laid back no thats not it more umm..dialed down verison. yeah thats it. dialed down. lol. until we r alone then our humour gets the better of us and we r bantering back n forth..very one of my freinds says "he has ur humour"... wonder if his friends say the same bout me and mu humoour lol. he is a god man, puts me first says i am priority one. goes to chuirch with me once inna while cus i ask nicely guess lol.
we do everything allan an d i couldnt.
we have facebook couple profile pic up. i loveit. i have his pic at my desk at work. we always walk arm in arm. snuggle or cuddle in public. theres no secret. theres no worry that we will be found out. no worry how will this effect the kids? no worry about is he spending enough time with his other women....noi owrry about how will we fit me into his home what if i get prego how willt hat work? it is just...him and me. so much easier....
i just choose to be only with one. i chose wesley.
and maybe i kopped out.... who knows.
all i know is...i'm happy. happier then ive ever been ina long while. cus as hapy as i was with allan, there was always a ton of drama....
theres no drama with wesley.
wesley isnt a rebound.... he was my eyes oened to the gfact..i'm poly at heart...mono by choice.
i love you wesley.
by the way....
he has said those words a couple ties now!!!!!!
my head spun when i heard them. he has said them a cpl times during sex. and another cpl times when i said it to him before he hads home. he send one text that said "wuv you" giggle. but i dont count that. his actions speak louder then worfds...but..i still love hearig it. i say it often. i hope he doesnt take those words lightly..it took me like two mths to say em!!!!! lol.
life is good. ithas its heartache (allan and emily, dad and his wife) but....life is good. it was good before, wesley just makes it better.
oh and...he spends a lot og nights here now overnight. we stil have troublke sleeping well together..that will coem with time i hope.....
i love falling asleep and wakig up the nextday to my lovew and not worrying that he was supposed to be back home....
that feel great.
just him..and me.
oh and like me, he doesnt knowhow to drive. :-) and like me. he is in school just started back. oh and like me.... he is a geek. annns annnnd....oh i just love him. and
so do my cats. lol
and he lovesthem to lol