dear dear dear......

I am beyond pissed now.i am just so utterly diapointed and hurt. It happened sunday night and i still feel it. Physically, and emotionally.
Iwas goin to do the final clean up on the old apartment on saturday- you know wash floors walls, bathroom, kitchen etc. as part of the agreement my ex and i had and also i wnted my half of the security deposit. well, he was there all Saturday and i was tired so i figured i'd do it sunday morning after i picked up my guppy aquarium and coffee tables ( the last of my things.).,skip church and be all done for practice at 1pm. afterall, it would only take a few hours to clean....
so i showed up sunday morning, the place was ad isater area. junk everwheres, clothes, boxes, garbage, etc. so i took my stuff and figured he'd clean it up by that night... he had to right, i mean he wanted his security deposit back, didnt he?
that night after church i called the neighbour to find out that he had not taken out the junk. I was devastated. I have a hert condirion, how could he leave all that junk to lugg on my own. I almost said "fuck it" but then emily (god bless her, fuck she's an awesome friend!) asked Allen to help me.
10 hrs.... it took us 10 hrs! it was suposed to be done by midnight but that didnt happen. Allen tried to make it as peasant as possible (sneaking a few kisses here and there, hmmmmmmm nice very nice) but it was still stressfull. 9pm-7am. 10 hrs. Jerk off even had the nerve to show up at 6am and "offer help" I am proud of myself tho. i didnt punch him out. or cry.or yell. i just told him to leave.... and he did. then later that day he emailed me and said " i love you. i don't know why you freaked out and told me to leave? i only wanted to help." so i replied back telling him to not say "i love you", and "i had never been more disapointed and hurt. I was ashamed of him... he knew of my heart condition and that there was no possible way i cld havelugged all that stuff out myself without sending me to the hospital! and it was supposed to be done at midight what possible help cld he have offered when it was supposed to be done 6 hrs ago! "
he hasnt replied back.
and i'm glad.
you know what was hilarious tho. out of all the stuff he left behind he took one item i was hoping he'd forget... he took the damn lamp! the one thing i forgot to negotiate. the lamp i searched for so long to find and then bought.... my lamp. my 50$ lamp. he took the damn lamp! What the fuck! he doesnt even need a lamp!
thats ok, i got like 10$ worrth of change, several poewer bars, some shelves and whatever else i could find!
But yeah, i can't guarentee i wont say a few bad things about him now. I can't see us being friends. I want nothing more to do with him. that was dirty thing to do.
Monday morning my chest was so tight i could hardly breathe, even after a hot shower. i stayed home sick and didnt get out of bed from 730am till 430pm. and i havent told my roomates but i still feel kinda odd. my breathing still isnt right. allen doent know that, and he wont. after a few days it should be fine again. it was funny tho, allen saisd that at 9am when he left for work i was noring a lot! I don't snore, that just goes to show how bad off my chest was! and how tired i wa`s too!
well, i need to go to bed now. at least this sunday night venture has caused me to go to bed earlier... fuck i'm so tired!
heres t hoping i keep my cool, get well soon and chilax. its done. only the security deposit left. then all done... no more ex!
thank god!