oh dear god.......

shit...has...hit...the....fan...and fuck! i just called my dad to find out what time he wanted me over for dinner tomorrow ...dad started to cry and told me that he and his wife (stepmother who fits the stereo type) are "taking a break", or "giving space"
That woman should be happy she's not withen walking distance. i am that pissed, but just like sunday i will not stuff my anger... no i will vent and deal with it and i will do my father proud and not resort to violence.... here why i am pissed at her....
She had an affair.
I want to say so many things right now...... i'lll let the following express my feelings about her right now......

#$%^
~^~@#
@&**)*^%
#%%^*
(&*)(**()(&*&&*
^%~$@$$%^
~%$R@#!**&()
*)*(*)*()&*&^%$%^
~#!@$#$%^~%
^%~&(*&*)*(**
&&*&&(*%^~
$%^~#!%^~^^
^%^%%#@&*&)*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


there. I am still pissed tho, but thats fading now to a feeling of worry and whats the word....a feeling that sumthing really bads gona happen!
see my father suffers from an incurable heart condition. oddly enuff my condition is not considered heriditary even tho both our conditions were caused by damage left from viruses.... or so the doctors think. truth is they have flat out admitted they dont know how or why it happened ( yeah, dad and i have the same doctors. and they are blunt with us as per out request!) anyways.... his is a lot worse. mine caused damage to the valve, repairable but still not perfect....dad's whole heart is damamged and so now his heart functions at about 30% what it should. and right now he's in a lot of stress. i just listened to my father cry in deep sobs over the phone. i have never, ever , heard him cry like that. and then i heard another sound, i know it cus i've had it... catching his breath. his chest was tightening and he was hardly able to speak. i got him calmed down enuff to get off the phone to go see my brother who would take care of him.... i may be the eldest but my brother is the only son in the family and dad has unintentionally passed the deed of being #2 unto my brother. thank god for my brother.
that thing tho....shes gonna kill my dad. does she know that? he's in pain so much right now he actually said
"i just may do something everybody may regret"
so i told dad i respect him, i love him, he's a good person he has lots of ppl who love him and made him promise to see ryan (to get meds and what not) and he promised me he had an apointment to see a councillor asap. but stilll.....
I have never been so scared b4.I hate what that that thing is doing to him ( i wont call her a woman right now) worst part is...
my mother did the same thing to him.
he's in so much pain. Please god, watch over him. Don't let him die! or be hurt again! he's too good a person. why does sumthing like this happen to him twice! he's not perfect but he does not deserve this.... nobody does!
i love you dad... i hope for your sake she chooses you over that jerk off pig of a man who when shit hit the fan ran away!~ yeah you heard me, when dad confronted him he called the relationship shit and ran off.... my stepmother doesnt see him or my dad fot who they truly are.... dad as a special gift of love and jerk off as a pigish shadow of a cowardly man who only wanted to get into her pants.
much as i am pissed at her, i don't want her to go back to that guy. if she and dad separate, fine....but please thing just dont go back to jerk off! he's using you!
but hey, my problems look like nothing now and also I am no longer feeling lonely... no now i'm worried...and scared....
can i be lonely again please? i'd much rather feel that then this... or better yet... horny. yes i'd like to be horny please. and happy..... not scared and worried!
fuck!
Dad, don't die!
thing! smarten the hell up and open yor eyes and please do not be withen walking distance from me right now!