motorcycle

MY RIDE HOME

to him,
it is just a drive.
a way to take a freind home.
he does it all the time,
motorcycle rides, that is.
but to me,
it is my arms wrapped
around him
and my legs wrapped
around him
while my heart breaks.
because while to him
it is just a ride
to me,
it a reminder of all that i have had
with him
and all that i have lost
with him
and will never have again
with him....
and my heart breaks.




I love riding that motorcycle... my heart tho, feels otherwise..... but i shall continue to accept his rides home. even if it causes me more pain then a car ride... because i hav no other way to get home from sunday night game....
but here i sit, at my apt. missing him. and i want to be able to stop feelignt his pain every week... but at least i see him on sundays, whish i need. we just game woith freinds... we are aqintances now.... and i need that reminder... because i have no contct with emily at all. and i understand why, che needs her energy to focus on allan and her... but all i knwo is...
i found out today her grandmother died thru allan at game... and all i coudl think is... iw ant to be ther efor her. cus altho she was not as closae to her as allan was to his grandmother, it was stillher grandmother... and she will have t deal with her mother feeling sad.... and thats gotta be a lot... and i wish i could be there for her...
and i have no contact with her at all..
i really do hope she and allan can worj thru all this. maybe right now, he'll be able to be there for his emily and this will help them bond again.... relying one ach other that is....

anyways.... on an end note
i want to see my rainbow soon.... . and i hope emily and allan see their rainbow soon too...

"Not in the time of pleasure
Hope doth set her bow;
But in the sky of sorrow,
Over the vale of woe.
Through gloom and shadow look we
On beyond the years!
The soul would have no rainbow
Had the eyes no tears.
~ John Vance Cheney