it is my safe place.
very few ppl know of it.
even fewer ppl have the address
my life can be goign perfectly fine but sumtime i just need to blog out onelil frutratin that is itching me and wont go away..
My life is really god,
im happier then i ahve been ina while, honestly. and a lot of that had to do with a new job, a new man, and a new life....
but i still have my monets when i get negative and melancholy or depressed ...i have my highs and lows and when im low
i blog
but i promise you, life is good.
im happy
frustrated
but happy
i love my wesley, he treats me like gold and is the best thing to happen to me ina while...we just have our learning curves.
with me it is slowing down
with him it is haveing a girlfriend LOL
but i am happy
and a lot of ppl see it. get annoyed by it
everything is wesley this wesley that...
i look forward to his kisees every morning
friday and saturday nights are spent in bes with him
the weekend mornings are lazy, fun...filled with giggles
i laugh a lot more now
sumtimes he is like a man child.....gofy. but he brings out my goofy side too. and i need that.
he is still learnign about me, my eotions and personality and how to speak "me"...and that frustrates me to ne end as i feel we shoudl know each other so well by now. but then i rember, he has a very slow learning curve. as do i....
so nine mths of knowing 7 of which dateing to him...are prob liek 3 mths to another cpl....
and i relaised...my melancholy is cus
i am compareing him to allan and frank....
youcant compare. it only frustrates...
but he still messes up
as do i
learning curves...
one day atta time....
i can hardly picture a day wothout him now...
i even dontwanna move, cus as much as i despie the bitch downstairs who compains about me everytime i have kids over.... i love living across the hall fromw esley...
yeah, he fucks up. he forgets plans, doesnt tell me stuff liek when his dad n him were thinking of moveing, can be a tad too logical, or misinterprets what i say or do....
but he is wesley. and i have lotsa faulst too...
i love him...
and not a day goes by i dont think of him
not a day goes by i dont wonder when we will spend outr lives together...
altho, i keep that to myelf...dont wanna scare hime. or me.
i mean, 7 mths...
is it normal to be wanting to spend ur life with sumbody at that point????
or is that too fast????
i dont knwo whata normal relationship is supposed to be....fraNK WAS ABUSIVE, NEGLECTFUL....
allan was unique, unconventional kinda relationship.... but not bad.
and.,,,theres my experience.... abusive and unconvetional....
maybe thats sumthing to ask the therapist....
whats a normal relationsip? when is it too soon to think of the rest of ur life?
how long r learnign curves....?
when do u know if u fit?
this, is confusing to me.... but i take it a day atta time...and hope against hope wesley doesnt leave me....doesnt think im too fucked up...
cus i am fucked up..
and may days go by... i wonder if he is too good for me.
i fight those thougts of not being good enuff a lot. thaks a lot sexual molestation, thanks a lot you really know how to mess with a persons self esteem....
i gotta remember....
i'm a flower
a diamond
and a little bird
im beautiful
precious
and free
it is hard, but i try to remeber i am good enuff for wesley. i deserve happiness. and i need to be patient. good things come to those who wait. despite the fact my patience has hurt me int he past...i think it will be ok to be patient this time...
i love yo wesley,
you are in my heart.... i trust you. just please, be patient with me too. im ina learning curve too.
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