Scared shittless.... but all better now

one sentance sums it up... pregnancy scare. but its all better now. see i missed my period in nov, and desdpite allan being fixed there is always that slim to slight possibility soooooo.... monday i bought a test
positive
waitied... cldnt wait the one week as recomended...
bought another test today
negative
as of 400pm it was one positive and one negative... at 500... i got my epriod.
so there in yer face folks. u CAN get false positives!
but just in case, i got one left i'll take it after my period....lol
yeah so i told allan tonight what happned.... he was extremly calm. said he wasnt going n e wheres and u know if i wld have been pregant he'dve been there, it was a blessing... the whole 9 yards.... i cant say unexpected, cus i nvr expected him to run off or say he'd run offf.... but i was pelasantly reasured.
dont get me wrong, aint wanting no kids.... not now
but still... good to know he's here if it happned... u know
ok so the guy just went upa few notches again....
but fiuck.. i hate my period... cldnt it have cuma lil earlier..then i wldnt nvr bee scared like this
yeash!
folks rembere, even with vesectomy's... the ony 100% effective contrceptive.... is to elininate all means od posssible conceprion.. in other words... NO SEX!
i still feel very sick....
and nervous
and scared...
but leat i know i aint preganct... and allan will be there no matter what!
i felt horrible for having to go thru this alone, and allan did too... told me i slda called him monday.... then i'dve had him there..
but, i was so scared.... i wasnt thinign right.. that and well, when u read my previous blogs....
anyways...
i still feel the same way tho bout relationship.... frustrated.... lonely, and at times unhappy...
but.....
least i aint pregnant.
nd i love the guy
and i want to ty to be strong... cus i love him... and i want a life with him..
just yeash... i dont want to step up the relationship sofar as to gte pregnant!
yeash! scary!!!!!
anyways... i gtg, gonna try to sleep tonight... fyi.... thank you birthright.. u were an ear to talk to.... non judgmental, ven when i explained polyamoury!
u ever need talk sum1 if u think u r preganant... birthright are the ones to call. they operate outaa united states AND canada! so very anonymous too!

well i'm outta here.....
i have never been so happy to be negative about sumthing! lol