how am i doing

so, asides from the neck pains.... i think i'm doing better.
I still can't look ata pic of the guy without gettign al teary eyed. Emily posted pics on facebook of their vacation they took last weekend, but i havent looked st them yet.
i see him on my msn messenger from tiem to time, i resist the urge to automatically log off now...oh the urge is there, i just push thru it.
he said we'd still be freinds..... i dont want to seem like i am avoiding him, but i need space.
this sunday is our usual game night with freinds. not sure if i can go.... last eekend was a holiday so no game, the weekend b4 i broke up allan, the weekend b4 that allan and emily fought....
i want to game
but it will have been only been 2 wks....
wow... this sunday will b 2 wks without alan.....

i miss him. last thursday was hard. that was our night together.... this thursday i wont be able to go out.... i am at home with a very sore neck. will be forced to be hom,e. n walks. no late night shopping at the grovery store.... m stuck. at home. alone.
shit

its liek i told allan time and time again.... no mater what, he's got emily. i got me.
yipee!

as i said b4, i can be on my own. i can be happy. just having sumbody in my life makes it happier, fuller, better.
for no thats too soon...
eventually....
i am trying not to mope. amd tryign not to cocoon. its hard.....
i just want to ball up and not let anybody in....

i'm still hurting.

i have no idea how he is doing. i dont want to know. cus if he's ok, i'll feel liek crap. if he's not ok i'll feel liek crap... so not knowing is beter sumhow. ignorance is bliss afterall, right?