love is gone!~

LOve is gone, well at least he is anyways. hallelujah and amen! I feel great! There are some times when it hits me and i go, oh my god! what have i done? then i reaslise what an idiot i've been to let it last for so long! It's thru, and i have to say it's like a giant weight has finally been lifted from my shoulders! He was a lazy bum who leeched off me for years. he lied to me about his addictions! failed to meet my needs emotionally, physically and spiritually! but still, don'r get me wrong, the reality of divorced life can still hit me pretty hard at times. i mean, nobody gets married to get divorced.... ok. i loved him, probably still do. but do i want to stay in a dead toxic relationship. no. I hope one day i mend up enuff to date again, who knows maybe i'll marry and have kids... right now all i feel is no, not ever again. but who know maybe the right guy will come by and proove me wrong that love is gone!~
but i am not holding my breath
ah, i love being f***ing confused. happy, sad, happy, mad, happy, sad.... hello merry go round that is divorce! take just now for example... i just went onto my facebook and tried to change my status to... its complicated. but i couldn't. not beacause i am having second thought. not beacuse i am still in love. no, because as honest as i try to be in here i am not ready to be that honest to the whole facebook, especially my church. i don't know if i am ready, cus i don't want to answer a ton of questions.... i don't want to deal with so many freakin ppl.... i just want to be left alone. but ppl are eventually gonna pick up on it. it's inevitable. just gotta pick myself up and deal. i gotta tell the world sometime. i gotta tell them , we're thru. thru and thru and that is that! i am not going back! see ya later it was not any fun, have a nice life!
how long do i have to be this f***ed up for b4 i am me again. i feel me coming back, gradually. but can't it happen any faster....