music speaks where words fail

I've been having a ruff few days. no bad thoughts of suicide or hurting myself.... but still. rought. i'm still dealign witha ll the guilt i feel, and it is still overwheleming. i am greiving the loss of love. i am greieivng the loss of home.
i am so very tired of feeling liek i have no roots firmly planted, no home. i am trying to reahc out to freinds and deepen relationships but...its takign alot out of me.
i want to cocoon. its how i've always survived. and allan and emily seemed to be the only 2 ppl who "got" me and would pull me out of my cocoon. and now i dont have that.
i missmy friend. i miss emails. i miss weekends at her place. i miss shopping. i miss movies. i miss ranting about work. i miss ranting about allan and his dog. imiss heearing her tell me stuff about her kids. i miss hanging out with her. i miss aquasize. i miss cheating on our healthy eating with wendy's burgers or a&w burgers.... i miss rockband parties i'd baby sit for her so she cld go....
i miss those kids. telling thm stories, paying, watching nmovies....
and i miss allan... i am doing my best to be anfgry at him. to feel hurt and to just drop him out of my life. to put him in the same page as frank.... but i can't. i still love him.
i'm feelign lost. i can be happy alone. i dont need a man to be happy. but i do need family to be happy. and thats what emaily was...family.... cus i was tryong to work things out woth my own family. i was. i was working on dad and me i was even workign on mom and me but while i was working on them and mine relationships i still had emily as kinda an anchor thru it all. no matter what i had her as my family when my biological family wld fuck up on me...
i miss my family. i'm tired, very very tired of drifting... life has buried me alive....


Yellowcard: Drifting
Video here
Lyrics

When I look into your eyes, I can see
Such a sad man in disguise
waiting, wishing, dreaming, drifting from me
Hurts my heart to see you cry
waiting, wishing, dreaming, drifting from me

I don't know you anymore, wish I knew what's wrong
Can't we try to slam that door, start a brand new song

I know you're lonely and you cry, wondering why
I know it's lonely but if once, you could help me understand
What it takes to be a man
Look back on what you've said, and the life you've led
Is it what you dreamed when you were young like me.
Now it's time you took something back
just for the sake of your mind.
When I look into your eyes, I can see
Life has buried you alive
waiting, wishing, dreaming, drifting from me
You can't breathe
Heart as big as ocean's wide
waiting, wishing, dreaming, drifting from me