ugh!

just had anothewr appt with my social worker...
ok, councillors are supposed to let me figure things out.... anyways... i'm a tad frustrated....
ugh! argh! and all negative sounds ending in h!
she approves of my reaching out to ppl to connect deeper with friends... see if i can't find a new best freind. yeah, like that will happen.... we have established one thing in my meeting... i have issues with making deep relationships, with conencting. there are lost off ppl who connect with me, but rarely do i le tthem connect with me in the way that matters... kinda a wall of sorts... which stems from... da nanaaaaa... never having had a lastign realtionshoip with my family. no strong healthy relationship witha male role model/father figure type except for a few short years with my step father, divirced kid feelings , familys are never this happy thing apparently, but mine has been "wrought with chaos" as she put it and another thing was "you've never had a period in yer life which was not chaotic" and heres the kicker... the one she nailed on the nose... are you ready for it...
"you feel lost"
sumbody give this gal the million dollars she just got the obvious!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
lol
anyways.... yeah....
councilling... fun.... same bullshit all over again..
hello... i've gone to councillign fer daddy issues... and mommy issues,... and ex hubby issues... i agree i still need those BUT i also need.... to deal with this guilt.
argh!
anyways...

here show i feel again.... this is the one song which described how i trule have felt this last mth... and altho i am not thinking harmful thoughts of sucicide and whatnot... i still feel .... likwe this....


Pink
One foot wrong
lyrics:

Am I sweating?
Or are these tears on my face?
Should I be hungry?
I can't remember the last time that I ate.
Call someone
I need a friend to talk me down

But one foot wrong
And I'm gonna fall
Somebody gets it
Somebody gets it
Put one foot wrong
And I'm gonna fall
Somebody gets it
Somebody gets it
All the lights are on
But I'm in the dark
Who's gonna find me?
Who's gonna find me?
Just one foot wrong
You'll have to love me when I'm gone

Does anyone see this?
Lucky me, I guess I'm the chosen one
Color and madness
First in line, I put my money down
Some freedom
Is the tinest cell, it's hell

But one foot wrong
And I'm gonna fall
Somebody gets it
Somebody gets it
Put one foot wrong
And I'm gonna fall
Somebody gets it
Somebody gets it
All the lights are on
But I'm in the dark
Who's gonna find me?
Who's gonna find me?
Just one foot wrong
You'll have to love me when I'm gone
Some people find the beauty in all of this
I go straight to the dark side of the abyss
If it's bad, is it always my fault?
Or did somebody bring me down?
Did somebody bring me down?
Did somebody bring me down?


One foot wrong
And I'm gonna fall
I put one foot wrong
And I'm gonna fall

But one foot wrong
And I'm gonna fall
Somebody gets it
Somebody gets it
Just one foot wrong
And I'm gonna fall
Somebody gets it
Somebody gets it
All the lights are on
But I'm in the dark
Who's gonna find me?
Who's gonna find me?
Just one foot wrong
You'll love me when I'm gone

Have to love me when I'm gone
Love me when I'm gone
You'll have to love me when I'm gone
You'll have to love me when I'm gone



oh and did i metnion, i still am in love with allan.... and things are i dont kniow with him and emily... sooo yeah... so in honour of him a def leppard song which decribes how he ffels , how emily feels, and how i feel right now... BUT FOR THE RECORD I AINT GOING BACK, NOT GONNA LET HIM IN, AND NOT GONNA GET INVOLVED WITH HIM... ok? made that clear. he and i are thru.... i just pray to god him and emily arent thru...

DEFF LEPPARD
WHEN LOVE AND HAT COLLIDE


You could have a change of heart, if you would only change your mind
Instead of slamming down the phone girl, for the hundredth time
I got your number on my wall, but I ain't gonna make that call
When divided we stand baby, united we fall

Got the time got a chance gonna make it
Got my hands on your heart gonna take it
All I know I can't fight this flame
You could have a change of heart, if you would only change your mind
Cause I'm crazy 'bout you baby, time after time

Without you
One night alone Is like a year without you baby
Do you have a heart of stone
Without you
Can't stop the hurt inside
When love and hate collide

I don't wanna fight no more, I don't know what we're fighting for
When we treat each other baby, like an act of war
I could tell a million lies and it would come as no surprise
When the truth is like a stranger, hits you right between the eyes

There's a time and a place and a reason
And I know I got a love to believe in
All I know got to win this time

[Repeat Chorus]

[SOLO]

You could have a change of heart, if you would only change your mind
Cause I'm crazy 'bout you baby...Crazy...Crazy

Without you
One night alone
Is like a year without you baby
Do you have a heart of stone
Without you
One night alone
Is like a year without you baby
If you have a heart at all
Without you
Can't stop the hurt inside
When love and hate collide