bible study...me?

The gals have decided to do a bible study. just us four. i amd the first one to lead. ok so i am not the best personto lead a bible study. i have sex outside of marriage, i was involved ina poly realtionship, i walked away from god (and walked back) i dont read the bible enuff i dont pray enuff i dont go to church enuff. i dont preach to my freinds or family.

but i am honest. i do talk about my faith when asked. i try to live how i think god wants me to liveand not how other SAY god wants me to live. i beleive in freindship evangelism, people who are seeking wills ee ur faith and ask thn u can tell. i HATE people who trill to drill the word into poeple who dont wanna hear it and call people down then say it si love.

to paraphrase a movie when they want it, they will come. u dont need to beat thump it into their heads.

i'm an honest person, i suck as a christian..but i beleive... and i try...and i seeek to improove myslef. i beleive in the father, the sdon, and the holy spirit. i beleive jesus dies for our sins and rose again to heaven and will come back again one day. i beleive jesus was born of the virgin mary thru the holy spirit.

thats it. thats all there is. everyhting else is doctorine bullshit. if u beleive these things, accept jesus in your heart. you r good to go. the rest comes with time and is iceing on the cake.

so yeah, leading a bible study.... me.

leading

a

bible

study,

how fucked up is that. i know what i just said above,. but for sum reason i beat myself up and hold me to a post and self judge and self beat up. i dont think i'm worthy, but then again none of us are. butt hats not what i mean i mean, i'm not eveen worth enuff to be leading a bible study....

but i will. and i dunno, i just....

i'm a terrible christian, but i love my gog and i try noit to be ahypocrite and i love everybody equally and i dont hold ppl accountable for their bullshit thats not my job. my job, is to love anfd accept as jesus did. the rest, jesus will do. i just love and accept.

sometime i love and accept too much LOL ;p

by the way. no sex last night. fooled around but no sex. very porud of mylsef.

still reeeling from wesleys words, i told him how much they meant.

i love him and he loves me....*sigh* lifeis good.

i think about allan less and less now. stioll feel the same for him, but, i think of him less and less.

i am no longer thinking about how much or how little wesley is liek allan. i no longer miss things allan did that wesley doesnt do. i just...i have accepted. and i think of allan less now. i stillf eel the same, but, i am moveing on and forward.... still dotn trust him or me as far as i can spit tho so no contact. he and emily still ahve a fucked up thing going on with their lack of a rewaltionship that i woudl ineveitable get inthe iddle of cus i love both my freinds , so still no contact. i stillt hink they can work this out and it is fooloshness what theya re doing and wanna bitchslap sense into them. so still, no contact. still pissed off emily gave allan 2 yrs to fix the reationship and allan gave emily 3mths.... so still no contact. -