it was one of thehardest choices i ever had to make. i remmeber weighing the pros and cons and tellign emaily "theres more cons then pros"
sometimes love, just isnt enuff.
there are days i wonder.... and i have to remind myself love isnt enuff. and thats hard.
i saw emily the other day at the hospital. when i got home, i was very mopey and emotional. i miss her and even allan a fuck ton.
i just dont miss the bullshit.
emily saying "i hate the control u have over allan. i hatwe the control u have over my family" still is strong in my memory. when she said those words, i knew it was time to back off. something was fucking wrog..and look what happened.... they fell apart.
i'm mad at that. she and allan promised me everything i ever asked of them when it came to poly... bleneded family, no more hideing from ppl, realtonsip out of the closet, a life togtehrr, ....
and it was all.... promises like grains of sand thru my hands. nothing i could hold to. and look wherhppened...they ar eseparated.
altho i think its bullshit. i've heard ppl say "i love them im not in love with them" what the fuck is that. u either love sumbody or u dont. that simple. anythng else is bullshit.
money is no reason to thru away love. i wish i could beathump allan into that. he gave emily 3 mths, shegave him 2 yrs. his was the bigger transgression. what the fuck....
i wish i could be there, hang out, but..i cant be in the middle of this crap liek i always was. and...i dont trust allan and i dont trust me.
i miss them both so much.... life just seems incomplete witheout allna and emily.
whats was "that" in meatloaf's song.... that for me, was polyamoury.
as wesley put it ....i have a "real" boyfriend now. none of this part time girlfreind on the side bullshit..... sumtimes love, just isnt enuff.
i love wesley now too. he is in my heart and i am tryingto be patient and wait for him to catch up to me. he hasnt been married, or had a 2 yr relationsip ( well 22 mths) so i'm a lil more experienced that way so i ogtta wait fer him to catch up to me when it comes to love...
i just pray i wont get hurt.....
oh btw i had a dream last night.... i was getting married again. i had like five cakes and there were kids involved in the procession... weird thing was, i was in my dress but i was waiting at the alter for my groom to come down.... and my groom walked down the isle to me to get married and he was wesley, then changed to allan, then changed to frank, and back to wesley and so on...... it was a weird dream. on the plus side, he walked dopwn the ilse to an africain song (ithink) called baba yetu lol. it wa sa weird dream.
i dont know what i'm going thru, i dont know why my heart wont let go. all i knowis i love wesley. and i am poly in hear and mono by choice. i chose you wesley. u won. i wont betray u. i love you. sum days its hard to let go and let love. i'm terrified i will get hurt again. twice i gave love my all, twice i got hurt....deeply badly and irreeparabley i think sometimes.
mend my heart wesley. help me tear down these walls i keep wantint to put up. i love you welsey, please cath up to me soon...
MEATLOAF: I WOULD DO ANYTING FOR LOVE
VIDEO HERE
LYRICS:
And I would do anything for love,
I'd run right into hell and back.
I would do anything for love,
I'll never lie to you and that's a fact.
But I'll never forget the way you feel right now, oh no, no way.
And I would do anything for love,
Oh I would do anything for love,
I would do anything for love,
But I won't do that,
No I won't do that.
And some days it don't come easy,
And some days it don't come hard,
Some days it don't come at all, and these are the days that never end.
And some nights you're breathing fire.
And some nights you're carved in ice.
Some nights you're like nothing I've ever seen before or will again.
And maybe I'm crazy.
Oh it's crazy and it's true.
I know you can save me, no one else can save me now but you.
As long as the planets are turning.
As long as the stars are burning.
As long as your dreams are coming true, you'd better believe it!
That I would do anything for love,
And I'll be there till the final act.
And I would do anything for love,
And I'll take the vow and seal a pact.
But I'll never forgive myself if we don't go all the way, tonight.
And I would do anything for love,
But I won't do that.
No, I won't do that!
I would do anything for love,
Anything you've been dreaming of,
But I just won't do that.
[x2]
[Solo]
And some days I pray for silence,
And some days I pray for soul,
Some days I just pray to the god of sex and drums and rock 'n' roll!
And maybe I'm lonely,
That's all I'm qualified to be.
There's just one and only, one and only promise I can keep.
As long as the wheels are turning.
As long as the fires are burning.
As long as your prayers are coming true, you'd better believe it!
That I would do anything for love,
And you know it's true and that's a fact.
I would do anything for love,
And there'll never be no turning back.
But I'll never do it better than I do it with you, so long, so long.
And I would do anything for love,
Oh, I would do anything for love,
I would do anything for love,
But I won't do that.
No, no, no, I won't do.....
I would do anything for love.
Anything you've been dreaming of.
But I just won't do that!
[x3]
But I'll never stop dreaming of you,
Every night of my life.
No way.
And I would do anything for love.
But I won't do that.
No I won't do that.
[Girl]
Will you raise me up, will you help me down?
Will you get me right out of this God forsaken town?
Will you make it all a little less cold?
[Boy]
I can do that. Oh I can do that.
[Girl]
Will you cater to every fantasy I've got?
Will you hose me down with holy water, if I get too hot? Hot!
Will you take me places I've never known?
[Boy]
Now I can do that! Oh oh now, I can do that!
[Girl]
After awhile you'll forget everything.
It was a brief interlude
And a midsummer night's fling,
And you'll see that it's time to move on.
[Boy]
I won't do that. I won't do that.
[Girl}
I know the territory, I've been around,
It'll all turn to dust and will all fall down,
Sooner or later, you'll be screwing around.
[Boy]
I won't do that. No, I won't do that.
Anything for love,
Oh, I would do anything for love,
I would do anything for love,
But I won't do that.
No, I won't do that.
I'd run right into hell and back.
I would do anything for love,
I'll never lie to you and that's a fact.
But I'll never forget the way you feel right now, oh no, no way.
And I would do anything for love,
Oh I would do anything for love,
I would do anything for love,
But I won't do that,
No I won't do that.
And some days it don't come easy,
And some days it don't come hard,
Some days it don't come at all, and these are the days that never end.
And some nights you're breathing fire.
And some nights you're carved in ice.
Some nights you're like nothing I've ever seen before or will again.
And maybe I'm crazy.
Oh it's crazy and it's true.
I know you can save me, no one else can save me now but you.
As long as the planets are turning.
As long as the stars are burning.
As long as your dreams are coming true, you'd better believe it!
That I would do anything for love,
And I'll be there till the final act.
And I would do anything for love,
And I'll take the vow and seal a pact.
But I'll never forgive myself if we don't go all the way, tonight.
And I would do anything for love,
But I won't do that.
No, I won't do that!
I would do anything for love,
Anything you've been dreaming of,
But I just won't do that.
[x2]
[Solo]
And some days I pray for silence,
And some days I pray for soul,
Some days I just pray to the god of sex and drums and rock 'n' roll!
And maybe I'm lonely,
That's all I'm qualified to be.
There's just one and only, one and only promise I can keep.
As long as the wheels are turning.
As long as the fires are burning.
As long as your prayers are coming true, you'd better believe it!
That I would do anything for love,
And you know it's true and that's a fact.
I would do anything for love,
And there'll never be no turning back.
But I'll never do it better than I do it with you, so long, so long.
And I would do anything for love,
Oh, I would do anything for love,
I would do anything for love,
But I won't do that.
No, no, no, I won't do.....
I would do anything for love.
Anything you've been dreaming of.
But I just won't do that!
[x3]
But I'll never stop dreaming of you,
Every night of my life.
No way.
And I would do anything for love.
But I won't do that.
No I won't do that.
[Girl]
Will you raise me up, will you help me down?
Will you get me right out of this God forsaken town?
Will you make it all a little less cold?
[Boy]
I can do that. Oh I can do that.
[Girl]
Will you cater to every fantasy I've got?
Will you hose me down with holy water, if I get too hot? Hot!
Will you take me places I've never known?
[Boy]
Now I can do that! Oh oh now, I can do that!
[Girl]
After awhile you'll forget everything.
It was a brief interlude
And a midsummer night's fling,
And you'll see that it's time to move on.
[Boy]
I won't do that. I won't do that.
[Girl}
I know the territory, I've been around,
It'll all turn to dust and will all fall down,
Sooner or later, you'll be screwing around.
[Boy]
I won't do that. No, I won't do that.
Anything for love,
Oh, I would do anything for love,
I would do anything for love,
But I won't do that.
No, I won't do that.
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