whats is love? how do u know if u love sumbody, lust somebody, or just want companionship...

i think, i think it is when you cannot describe the bond. like freindship, but more. theres trust and a wholeness that comes with being in that persons presence. a sense of lust as well as friendship. the feeling you would do almost anythign for that person and u know they would do the same...

the feeling you can be you and they can be them wthout fear. theres nuttin u can say or do that wld make em stop loveing u and vice versa...

theres a feeling of belonging, you belong in their arms and they belong in yours.

it is home.

have i found home again?

we chatted about my divorce the other day. i toldhim frank got everything when i left...

2 mths of expenses (rent, utils etc), both cars, the apartment, eveything in the apt except a bed a couch a chair a computer and my aquarium.... when i told wesley that frank even go the engagement ring (valued at at least 700$) he said

"don't worry abbe, i will get u an even bettter ring"

then i joked saying "oh i know what kind u will get me too" and we both said at the same time while giggeling.. "a cracker jack box ring"

i joked but inwardly i was thinking" dont take his joke to heart. dont overthingk it. but damn i wld die of joy if he were to get me a ring!"

today we sumhow got on the topic of weddings and honeymoons...

we both agreed we wkd like a vegas honeymoon. and talked bout what we would liek to do. of course we were care to say "i would lik" and "when the time comes with whomever i marry" and a cpl times he or i let the words "we" sleip but... it was kind cool.

i said i told myself a while b4 i met him if iw ere to get married again that i panned to go all out. get the dress i want the venue me and my fiance want and everything. told him last time i cheaped out cus i was being finacially responsible but this time i wld gladle go into a lil debt to do what me and my fiance want... cus in the edn u get what ui pay for and it it worth it. he agreed, said the same thing..

we chatted about renting tuxes and dresses vs buying em and how we both liek the idea of renting after al i have bought the dress b4 and it was just ib my closet and theres no gtees if i had a gorl she wld want it and styles change so... rent a dress and as for tuxes when else wld a man wear a tux....

we were both on the same page. and talked without fear.....

it was the first time ina long time i felt he had an adult conversation about his furture and that i felt i coudl share wothout him getting scared off....

it felt amazing.

neither one of us said we wanted t marry the other.... but.....i do. i just am not saying it...