He says "i love you" a lot more now. it feels wonderful to hear. he still cant sleep well over here..but that will take time.

he still screws up....i mean just the other night we were at a carbival and it was a date and he had already said he wld go alone one night....and he stopped to play this stupid gambling game. and i got so mad cus here was our date night...and he was gambling. and so i told him as such and walked off to our freinds. he cldnt figure outwhy i was mad then said...in a loud tone, ok he yelled at me "holy crap woman, i said like four times now i just wanted to do it once"

at that point..i walked away.

i was going to yell at hi

or punch him

or make a scene..

u dont yell at me.... ever

he caught up to me. and apoalogised... laer that night i explained i dont liek gambling and alsoit was our date night and here he was leaving me alone to gamble then he yells at me when i get upset. and i didnt yell at him. i just walked away and made a comment "not on our date night please. u have ur own night later on" he apologised..

but still..he yelledat me...

n e ways.... it just bothered me.

tonight, i was sumhow invted to a bachelorette on the fly! it was kinda cool. i was walijng by and a gal went "Cries alone!! i know u, hey u wanna come in, its my bachelorette" i had t work tommorow but i said...sure...

i txted allans girlfriend ( yes allan and i are talking again) and she said she wld come... so we spent our first time together..drinking, danceing and talking bout sex. a lor about sex. i tried to talk as much as i cld bout her and allan and bout me and wesley so i cld get used to her and allan....

still hurts liek hell..

i didnt day no to allan...

i said no to poly.

and i love my wesley and i will nvr betray him and nether woudl allan betray his new girlfriend.... still....

it hurt cus... here he is saying everything to her..everything he nvr said to me but were wy i left..

they will get married, have kids, be monogamouse...

all the reasons i said no...\aree no longer valid

but i have my wesley. and i love my wesley.... and he can give me the possibility of more and i love my welsey....but that dest mean it wont hurt....

im just glad i have my wesley..he is everything allan wasnt. he is my whole world. and i love him.

and he treats me so well..

it just takes getting used to is all...

i love you wesley