there just too much hurt

hes awake...dammit... how do i tell him

shit

i was gonan email him and hope he got it later int he day

allan invited me to go buy sumthing at a local store with him. i assume with him and his new girlfriend or maybe with him and emily

i ca only assume not alone

hope not alone

but after accepting the offer...

i feel sick

and dont want to....

im playing with fire. even if he doesnt do anyting, it still feels wrong to me

and wesley says he agrees olnly because i feel wrong bout it then there must nbe sumthing wrong...

so....

im not gonna go to buy that stuff with allan and company

and i never will have contact aside from group gatherings, facebook, emails, and texts...

emily is a different story. i dont feel this way bout her....

but him..

yes

there just too much history of hurt....

and i am sorry but i just dont have the stregth heart stomach or whateer to overcome it

im hurt

and i cant handle the thought of him being monogamous with somebody other then emily...

or me.... withoutpain

im over allan

doesnt mean it still doesnt hurt to know hes gonna give sumbody else eerything i asked but cldnt have and even more...

i wish you both the best

i will keep my distance with my wesley

i love my wesley he is all i need

i want t marry wesley have his kids and grow old with him

allan will always be in my heart, just not in the way i always wished....he willbe liek frank. al memory. sumtimes happy sumtimes sad.

maybe aquaintances.

nvr like it was b4...

i just canr take that chance of pain ever again