surprise

so, i asked allan for an overnight and a day together...point blank it has been 2 yrs now almost and 1 yr since out last overnight...and even then apparently Emily didnt know about it (grrrrr!)
emily said yes
so yeah, this Sunday night i have allan overnight....and we spend the day together...
feels weird.
good
but weird
got into a talk withe emily and allan tonight. apparently she wanted allan home by 5pm and allan planned on being home then going out again for a movie with me...
turned into a big talk
so i finally said sumthing ....it came up about the whole integrated family thing and how she didnt know if she wanted that anymore.
i told her point blank, no pressure, but she kind needs to make up her mind on that one. not just for my sake but for anybody they date's sake. it is a big thing. cus for me if there isnt that possibility then this is a dead end relationship and i aint gonna pursue it any longer.
later on, in the drive home i told allan what i'd always been dying to say. "how the fuck did you guys ever think u could engage in full long term relationships if you were not thinking about integrated family and most of all if you were keeping the relationship a secret! what the fuck"
he didnt answer...
but i got it out there...
i also pointed out again, i'm a big picture kinda gal. i'm extremely patient. and have been compromising all the time. not that he and emily arent, i mean she is letting me date her husband, big compromise. but i have been patient and compromising and well...i'm hitting my limit. and no offense but if integrated family isnt a part of this then well...that's it. and i also said that well, i am tired off all the ups and downs this has been. i am tired of always compromising, i am tired of considering everybody except me! and not that allan or emily havent compromised... i just i am tired of it...

anyways...allan ended the night by driving me home and by saying he loved me.
i really do believe him
i am trying, but i really am fed up.
enough is enough.
why the hell should i feel guilty about having one fucking night with allan and a day then sum of the next night. i mean... why? is it so much to ask? i see him for a few hours thursday and sunday... i mean c'mon!