RRRAAAAARGG!! *throws stuff around* That is all

kitty purring at my side. jumped on bed, as she always does when i crawl

onto my bed cus she thinks its bedtime n cuddle time. she has her own spot on the bed. on left side. top corner,

next to pillow. thats her spot. n shes laying there now with a look that says "y r u awake, u were sleeping,

come back to bed n stop typing on yer laptop.

tonight, wesley n i were supposed to talk. we r on a break. which fer me is NOT ficguring outhow to say we are

done but rather it is litterally figuring out if i am happy with him. not automatically breaking up. soul search

he still doesnt know if he wants marriage fer marriage. he says he wants marriage because i want it but he

doesnt beleive in it.

tonigth we were supposed to talk...instead....he decides at last minute to invite himself to a movie and then

see me afterwards to talk. normally this is fine except he never called to chk the time and when i do get hold

of him hesays he willl drop by 10 or 11pm.... i remind him that i said i was going to bed early from now on cus

i was falling asleep at my desk at work n not sleeping fully. i keepw aing up. hence the blogging now. cus im

wide awake fer a lil bit, i tell him that i feel liek yet again he put his freinds ahead of me. i dont expect him

not to have a life but i do expect him to at least follow thru and maybe call me to chk on a time b4 fucking off

with his freids cus when he says he wants to talk then fucks off to a movie.....and doesnt even reply to my

texrts fer a few hrs.... kinda makes me a lil sad...

anyways, he finally leaves the movie to come talk.... and i am amess cus i feel ditched yet again....

he still doesnt beleive in marriage but will do it just to keep me....

i dunno. tonight was pros n cons night, but i dont feel like typing up that list now... im too itreed and too

emotionally drained.... i dunno f i wanna stay with him...he says he will change. stop pushing me away, stop

ditching me fer freinds, stop forgettign about me when he promisses to drop by. start sleeping over 5 ngts at

wk at least, and maybe eventually marry me. hesays he doesnt now cus of school..i asked...what wld that

change. u can go to school and bemarried , we dont hav to have kids just cus we r married... it can waitr....

so yeah..... still very hurt. very ditched. when he said he was coeing tonight to talk then at last minute goes

to a movie with buddies and then never bothers to call or tell me when or where...i felt dirty ditched.... and

liek he isnt makign good on his change. this isn not about allan vs wesley n e more .... this is about do i

wanna be with wesley?