suicide

one thing about having been suicidal... i recognize a goodbye letter....
"i just wanted to let you know that no matter what the future may hold, keep your head up, and never stop smiling. You're stronger than you think, and someday you'll find out, hugs from your Johnny Boy"
I know my JB, and this may have seemed lie a normal letter but...trust me.... i know my JB...it was a goodbye letter of sorts. it was the same type of email i sent to emily and allan when i was contemplating....
thank god i have suicide prevention training. it is useless to use on yerself but it is handy to use on others...thankfully JB called, he'd snapped outta it. but he was on the bridge earlier .
i talked to him for over 2 hrs... finally convinced him he could go for help, that he cld go on ei and that he wouldnt lose a place to live....
the training i took, basically helps me to recognize symptoms, get that person talking, get them admit to thinking about suicide, talking them outta it, then getting them to professional help... which is what i did to JB. it took me an hour 45min to get him to admit to thinking about suicide and almost doing it...
Johnny boy is going to get help now ...thankfully...
for now he is going to the easter play 2morro as it is easter weekend and no family dr avail but i convinced him that he was on that bridge so it was a life attempt. I've convinced him that he could go on ei and that he needed to see his dr, so he said will.... he promised he wont do anything but i'll work on him 2morro too and convince him to see the hospital. i'll get him to stay over at my place after the play and i'll work on getting him to see the emerg psych nurse.... he is safe right now, if i have too i'll get him to stay until he sees any dr! cus i could not convince him to see sumbody tonight as he said he was set that he was ok now and was not going to hurt or kill himself... but still... he was that close he needs to get help. right now it is just convincing him that help is there...
for now... i have at least got him to admit he was thinking of suicide. for now i got him to admit he needs help. for now i closed down the barriers to getting help, which for him were that he thought if he chkd into the hospital he would be unpaid and not be able to afford a place to live. i told him he just needs to see his dr, and get a note for ei and he is paid sick benefits w/in 2 wks... thats as far as i could get... so he wills ee his dr, and he knows he needs help. thats all i can do for now. i'll call him again in the morning and get him to stay the night here. then i'll work on him more and see if i can't get him to the hospital...
we shall see...
i never thought i'd have to use my training...
i hop and pray he wont do anything tonight.... after talking with him tho i genuinely believe he won't do anything tonight.. it i dont have that feeling in my gut he is lieing or is in immediate danger...
he's only in danger if i can't convince him to get help right away...
i love me sum my johnny boy... well i love him ina platonic sense, he's my friend. and i dont have many of them. i am being 100% selfish in wanting him to live! hoe he doesn't mind my selfishness!